you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
