when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
