at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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