I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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