I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
