I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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