Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
