if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
