Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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