You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
