I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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