went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
