okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You made out with two different species that night
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
