I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
