My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
