Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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