do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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