She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
