even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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