What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
