I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
