can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
