I like to think it a success when the cops are called
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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