Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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