My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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