Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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