ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
