there's paper in my vomit.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
