His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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