Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
you made out with another girl for some wings
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
