my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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