How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
