dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
