remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
