Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
so that wasnt chicken after all
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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