So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
