does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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