WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
