I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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