Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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