I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
