There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
