I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
