You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
