I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
