I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
