Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
