I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
