I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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