i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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