wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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