I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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