How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
this is an emotional support booty call
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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