Jerry, you need to find god
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
