Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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