is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
