rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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