if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Randomize
