Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
