My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
