ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
