She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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