good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
