i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
