just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
