Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
