He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize