YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
